I see you growing by the minute. It breaks my heart every day. If only I could have kept you little forever and protect you from the world. As your mommy its my job to teach you and guide you through life until you are able to stand on your own two feet in this crazy world we live in.
I’ll never forget the days that you were born and I will hang on to those memories forever. As you continue to grow there are a few things I want you to know..
First, I love the independent girls you are becoming. I am so unbelievably proud of everything you have done so far in a few short years. You are the kindest, sweetest, most caring girls I know. But the sparkle you have now will be dimmed through the years. I wish I could prevent it. The only thing I can do is teach you how to overcome, grow, and get through those times.
Those times are the hardest. Not everyone will be as sweet and caring as you are. You are going to go to school and there will be mean girls. Hopefully their parents will be able to teach them to be kind the way I am teaching you. Always putting a smile on your face even during the hardest times is the best thing you can do. Never be mean. Ever. No matter how people treat you, please promise me that you will always treat people the way you want to be treated. People will never forget how you treat them. So, please always be kind.
Second, I know you “hate” me and you think I am “mean”. Those words hurt. I am not intentionally trying to upset you. Someday you will realize that I am only walking the path of life with you. I want you to flourish and shine bright. We will have our days of fights. Sadly, these will happen more often than not through the next few years. I will stand my ground and be the best parent I can be. As you grow you will know that I will always be there for you. You will see that I was and am a good mommy.
I want you to know, every morning when I drop you off and you have yelled and screamed at me because you are going through many changes and I leave you crying as you step out of the car…I do care. I care so much that I cry too. I cry as soon as I drive away. Did I do the right thing? Maybe I really was mean today. I carry so much guilt as your mommy. These are things I chose not to let you see. I want you to see me as strong and happy. I want you to see me as independent and hard working. I know there are so many times you wish that I was able to spend more time with you. Please know, I wish that too. I love our snuggles and talks. I love spending time with you. Its also just as important that you see that I work. You will need to learn a good work ethic as you grow. I only hope that you will understand this as you get older.
Trust me, I want to play dolls and color just as much as you want me to. A mommy’s job is never done. While you are sleeping I am up trying to get as much of my mommy job done as possible just so I have more time with you. There will never be enough time.
Third, The more independent that you become I will continue to stand behind you as you learn to navigate through emotions, growing pains, hurt, and so much more. I will be there when you need me. I will never make you go through life alone but I won’t always be able to pick up all the shattered pieces that may happen. These are things that I can guide you through but ultimately this will be apart of the growing process.
Lastly, You will be judged. You will be judged for your looks, your clothing, the things you say and do. It’s sad. It hurts. There will be many many tears. I promise to be there always to comfort you and dry those tears. I wish I could tell you it won’t be like this but its true. You will need to learn to be strong and proud of yourself. You will need to have confidence in all things. You need to know that there will never be another you. I love you just the way you are and you will learn to love yourself too. This may be the hardest but I see you being strong and confident. I just pray you keep being you and never let other dull the sparkle you ignite.
There will be many, many, more nights that I will lay my head on my pillow full of tears. I will always wonder if I did the right thing for you, if I helped you enough, if I am letting you grow enough. There is way to much controversy in the world now a days to know exactly where to lead you.
Your job is to grow and be proud of the person that you are, its hard, I know. My job though, as your mommy, will always be the hardest. I will always carry guilt with me. I will always question my parenting. If I am good enough for you. If you love me as much as I love you. If I have made the right decisions for you. So much that you will understand more when you become a mommy. But for now, I want you to be you. Be Bright and just Be You.
Always… “Let the light inside of you be righter than the light that shines on you”
Love,
Mommy
